fuck the olympics- oahu has the hottest guys

so molokai was a little too Simple Life for me... so i headed to the popular, tourist-laden island of oahu...

it's rather gorgeous, eh?

my corner suite at the hilton puts halekulani to fucking shame (or maybe i'm just bitter- they wouldn't host me as i called the Pr director the devil to her face last time i was here)

hey , look ! it's bud ! yes a reunion was in store.

bud and i ended up at a traditional luau where they roasted the fuck out of this pig..

then celebrated for killing it...
one mai tai later, i got involved in the action...

aloha hot fucker...

this dude to the right can do a luau on my lap-au anyday...

my new favorite australian person... gary even shares the same birthday as me! talk about a handful...

now.. on to hot boy olympics! volleyball never looked so goood...

this guy won a gold medal for walking...

sadly, this hot stud came in second...

runner up goes to this monkey...

surfing champ, hottie mc-i'll do you

he won a medal for retaining the "i'm from sweden" alabaster skin tone.

and this one was the youngest to join the games...
these guys received red flags for being too cool for school

and this dude was just a little too far away from my lens for me to gauge what kind of award (or reward) he deserves..

this guy was pooped from a long day of looking fine..

and this dude was straight -to-my-room worthy. .

see you on the big island in two months!

the lost islands of Hawaii (or sorta)

so my next assignment brought me to Hawaii. Because the subject was "royal Hawaii" for a (ahem) bridal magazine, I had to trace the history of hawaiian royalty and incorporate it into cool and "luxurious" activities found on the islands today. This brought me to only three islands with the majority of royal history: kauai, molokai and oahu.

kauai is voted one of the world's best islands by all the top travel mags. and it's pretty fucking true. it's gorgeous. beaches are so sublime you think of the band and wonder how the fuck they got that name. in any case, i stayed at the princeville resort (which is shutting down next month to upgrade to a st regis by april).

this was my $1,200 a night suite. why???


lovely beach i never frolicked on..

but i did rent a convertible. how cool am i? Only to learn, after driving for about 10 minutes, EVERYBODY RENTS A FUCKING CONVERTIBLE.

these were my favorite summer boys

i took a private helicopter tour of the island and because they don't allow journalists to take their own photos, here's another lovely view from princeville...

there's a ton of beaches here, and i found the best one (not on tourist maps)

the beaches, i found, have pretty strong waves, but that's fine with me ! i love the beach!

I took a hopper to Molokai, the most "hawaiian" of the islands. they weren't fucking kidding. it's a throwback to retro, a walk in the sixties, the "real" hawaii. . . but it's also b uh . b. . buuuh... buu buh buh boooring!! gorgeous yes, but there are two bars, two gas stations, no streetlights, one hotel and a bunch of mules. oh and this gorgeous coconut grove.

i found another beach not on maps.

mule riding is the number one activity here.


here's the phallic rock. really. the phallic rock, a major highlight on the islands.

of course i had to ride it...

off to oahu tomorrow... until next time!

why can't fat girls and gay guys just get along??

jerks and gay-cos

so when nikki beach, you know that crazy club chain known for its lavish parties, asked me to dj for a weekend at their new resort in turks & caicos. i said no. wait, i THOUGHT no... but i said yes... and thank god. cause this is what i would have missed

Limo service from the airport with a bottle of Veuve waiting for us, and our new friends!

uh. sweet suite anyone?

i would have missed eating sushi off this beyotch

and checking out the bitches and hos...

of course i wouldn't have been doing this...

or laughing with (at) our new crazy go go friend carrie...

hey look! it's doug e fresh!

i wouldn't have djed for the white trash drunks poolside..

or seen borja do his best pose to date...

wouldn't have met cute lesbian couple #1 ...

hot damn, that bitch needs to go... hey boy... hi!

look! lesbian couple number two !

I would have missed carrie macking on this hot dude who was wearing those white trunks with no underwear so his wee wee was flapping about..

i would have missed this incredibly incredible knock out massage

or the opportunity to bring the 80s back...
and i'm sure going to miss having sex with johnny, the canadian construction worker who just wanted to play volleyball. thanks johnny, the sex was fantastic!

i'm going to miss you johnny ! call me, baby !

Yoko boys of summer (or fall 2009, rather)