Pay your rent

my landlord isn't this bad...
happy turkey

last days of kenya

A rough 45-minute commuter flight brought us to the Chyulu Hills to experience an 8-cabin luxury camp. It's the only one in the span of 400 square meters, and we were literally and truly in the middle of nowhere. There was—obviously—no streetlights (we had to be escorted to our tents at night), no WATER (water was fetched daily from the river 20 miles away), no tv, no phone service, no internet! Talk about prison. It took a while for me to acclimate, but I ended up wanting to never leave. Who else would turn down Mt. Kilamanjaro at the foot of your porch?

my safari team. Go safari!


We visited a primary school where the students welcomed us with a song and asked us questions like: "What is your name? Who is your president? Do you have a girlfriend?" I told them I liked men, but they didn't seem to get it. While Western kids ask for new video games and extended cell phone plans, these kids just wanted pens.


I wanted to adopt this kid.


lovely bones.


Though the safari here was less exciting, the sunsets and sunrises were awe-inspiring, including the fat rainbow on the last night. BTW: our camp was literally in the wild bound by nothing so animals roamed freely. On the last night, a lion prowled outside my tent, and I was haunted by the cackle and chase of jackyl. Um, ambien please?

kenyeaah 2

After Nairobi, we were whisked away to the Maasai Mara National Reserve to hunt and kill some of those rotten animals. Just kidding. Poaching is so frowned upon here (in fact, illegal), so it's a good thing I didn't have my arrows or club (both of which are items confiscated at the airport should you coincidentally have either).


We stayed at the Mara Safari camp, a luxury 50-cabin resort where hippos chilled in my front yard in the Mara river and a baboon chaser made his rounds every night to keep us safe.


Our first game drive was no less than phenomenal, with moments so inspiring they could not be captured by camera. But I took photos anyway:

ubiquitous zebra


sunset


giraffes make me happy


akumamatada


elephants going .4 mph


Later, we were taken to a Maasai village. This tribe is one of the most popular in the world. Their 5-foot homes are made of cow dung, and they have like, no discos or gameboys. What? Though poverty stricken by western standards, they are incredibly happy by theirs.


champagne bush breakfast anyone? uh, anyone??


more pics to follow...

KENYA dig it?

lame heading i know, but not as bad as the 2 overnight flights i took to get to nairobi! thank god for virgin's upper class. it's been a while since I had my "bed" made.

we landed in cold, drizzly weather, which our tour driver swore meant "good luck" but i thought bullshit. There was no way wildlife would come out. But low and behold, not even 2 minutes from the airport, we saw a giraffe gazing at us in, like, the grass.

Nairobi is pretty cosmopolitan as africa goes and it was good to be back on the continent. After check-in at the Norfolk hotel, we were ushered to the National Park for some safari "pre-game". Wild boar roamed as baboons scattered to let our vehicle charge through.

As if that wasn't enough, we were taken to the famous David Sheldrick's Wildlife Trust where orphan elephants are raised. Did you know that elephants have human emotions? Like, if two elephants got a banana each and the third didn't, that dude would wail and whine with his trunk until he got one too. Like kids, Dame Daphne confirmed. And the asshole journalists we are, we got to come into their "cage" while the others looked on from the other side of the rope. We are assholes, but after touching these cute animals, I knew why Natalie Portman (who came here two weeks ago) started using shea butter.


Cheeky monkey.

I love feeding giraffes. And they really do have 18-inch tongues. See video below.

Did you ever see Out of Africa? I'm not sure I can handle the three-hour long movie, but bitch had a nice house.


This necklace is made of 400-year old trade beads. It's not just a picture of me eating sorbet served in bowl made of ice. Look at the damn necklace. They don't make this shit no more mostly because the original "artisans" from the Mareno island were sworn to secrecy (if they ever told anyone how it was made, they were killed). It's still a mystery!

Off to the real safari at Masaii Maas (sp?) tomorrow where obviously I don't have internet connection... miss yall!

uh. like, le london

sorry yall, been busy.

i'm in london right now at the virgin atlantic clubhouse in heathrow. got a lil chop chop on my head (they have a bumble and bumble here), took a steam bath in the shower (weird, i know, and smoked a cigarette in there because the ventilation was GREAT---smoking is banned at the airport now, but fuck this 8 hour layover)...

so in celebration of my 8 months-ish anniversary, let's revisit london last march! until i get to kenya tomorrow morning.