plane crashes, guys who stare and $200 lobsters in St Barts

for (un)memorial day, joshua and i decided to take a "weekender" to the glammy whammy french St Barts in the Caribbean. It's a crazy commercial flight over (from st maarten) where the puddle jumper (i like to think "private jet") literally takes a nosedive into the runway.


You absolutely have to rent a car. Joshua, who got his drivers licence like an hour ago, drove the whole time with the parking brake up, hit a few things, scratched up the car, started the windshield wipers when not necessary and didn't know how to put it in 4WD... and he's STILL a better driver than me

we stayed at the uberluxe Guanahani, in a 2-br oceanview suite. Joshua was obs happy about this.

Oh, did I mention our own private pool (with alarm, fugged up i know!)

we made friends with turtles and iguanas and, after eating them, we just swam a lot.

this was our shitty view. jk. it was off the chizaiin

our favorite beach was saline... nude optional!

hey! who's the dumbass who put out their cigarette on their sand-colored towel thinking it was sand?

speaking of idiot, this guy could get it.

did i mention nudity? oui oui, merci !

here's that flying guy and how i was supposed to put this picture before the "he's flying" picture but it's like 1:30 and i have to go to the gym soon.

oh shit here's that hot guy who caught me taking a picture of him. he totally wanted me though.

joshua and i went sailing one early morning and on our way back to the beach...

we saw this! a fucking plane crashed!

it's so LOST. . as in no one was hurt... for now.

this is st jean, where we did our sailing and shit and the water was like a warm bath.
un otro island shot.

guess which car joshua parallel parked?

this french guy was all like, "oui oui! I like zee outdoor sports!" Im like shut the fuck up and show me your huge dack (a dack is a handmade fishing rod )

until the next $200 lobster!

back to the santiago/ buenos aires future (or past) . . wait... ?

last week, it was back to sunnny santiago (if you could see through the fog. cause the sky ain't white). statue one: "what the fuck?" statue two: "I know , right?"




i somehow ended up at this table full of white people eating asian food because that's what they like! ethnic food! it was actually delish on a dish.

the business guy in Lan airlines' business class on the left is like, "shit. i'm going to miss Drag Race."

i love santiagoaners. especially orlando (second to left) who was all like: "come to this after party with me" at like 5 am. i'll show you after party, bitch.

joe is sooo misshapes !

speaking of joe, thanks for the friendly bitch slap heard around the world (give or receive, you'll never know).

(give).


anyway, we did that whole get on the airplane and see what it's like when someone lights a cigarette thing or something. look! it's santiago in a plane! jk. I LOVE santiago. but orlando sucks.

oh, we totally saw this spanish woman sing at a tango show when we arrived in buenos aires. it was a total surprise, bitch could belt it.

this bitch about to bust.

nothing is as swank as philippe starck's faena hotel + universe.

not even axel hotel, the only gay-only hotel in south america. but it was totes awesome, with lots of glass and mirrors and glass. like glass wall showers glass.

until next time, take the stairs ! that makes absolutely no sense but i accidentally uploaded this photo and needed something catchy!

getting gay in st tropez

not really. i was the only. what was not gay?

caves du roy. sorry tomkat, i got vip , beyotches.


cristal, beyotches.

my yacht, fools.

spoon by alain ducasse

far left, thanks.

my duplex with patio at byblos hotel.

this douchebaggy hot brit who really wore that scarf that way.

my beyotches.

and my hos to the left, hos to the right