plane crashes, guys who stare and $200 lobsters in St Barts

for (un)memorial day, joshua and i decided to take a "weekender" to the glammy whammy french St Barts in the Caribbean. It's a crazy commercial flight over (from st maarten) where the puddle jumper (i like to think "private jet") literally takes a nosedive into the runway.


You absolutely have to rent a car. Joshua, who got his drivers licence like an hour ago, drove the whole time with the parking brake up, hit a few things, scratched up the car, started the windshield wipers when not necessary and didn't know how to put it in 4WD... and he's STILL a better driver than me

we stayed at the uberluxe Guanahani, in a 2-br oceanview suite. Joshua was obs happy about this.

Oh, did I mention our own private pool (with alarm, fugged up i know!)

we made friends with turtles and iguanas and, after eating them, we just swam a lot.

this was our shitty view. jk. it was off the chizaiin

our favorite beach was saline... nude optional!

hey! who's the dumbass who put out their cigarette on their sand-colored towel thinking it was sand?

speaking of idiot, this guy could get it.

did i mention nudity? oui oui, merci !

here's that flying guy and how i was supposed to put this picture before the "he's flying" picture but it's like 1:30 and i have to go to the gym soon.

oh shit here's that hot guy who caught me taking a picture of him. he totally wanted me though.

joshua and i went sailing one early morning and on our way back to the beach...

we saw this! a fucking plane crashed!

it's so LOST. . as in no one was hurt... for now.

this is st jean, where we did our sailing and shit and the water was like a warm bath.
un otro island shot.

guess which car joshua parallel parked?

this french guy was all like, "oui oui! I like zee outdoor sports!" Im like shut the fuck up and show me your huge dack (a dack is a handmade fishing rod )

until the next $200 lobster!

back to the santiago/ buenos aires future (or past) . . wait... ?

last week, it was back to sunnny santiago (if you could see through the fog. cause the sky ain't white). statue one: "what the fuck?" statue two: "I know , right?"




i somehow ended up at this table full of white people eating asian food because that's what they like! ethnic food! it was actually delish on a dish.

the business guy in Lan airlines' business class on the left is like, "shit. i'm going to miss Drag Race."

i love santiagoaners. especially orlando (second to left) who was all like: "come to this after party with me" at like 5 am. i'll show you after party, bitch.

joe is sooo misshapes !

speaking of joe, thanks for the friendly bitch slap heard around the world (give or receive, you'll never know).

(give).


anyway, we did that whole get on the airplane and see what it's like when someone lights a cigarette thing or something. look! it's santiago in a plane! jk. I LOVE santiago. but orlando sucks.

oh, we totally saw this spanish woman sing at a tango show when we arrived in buenos aires. it was a total surprise, bitch could belt it.

this bitch about to bust.

nothing is as swank as philippe starck's faena hotel + universe.

not even axel hotel, the only gay-only hotel in south america. but it was totes awesome, with lots of glass and mirrors and glass. like glass wall showers glass.

until next time, take the stairs ! that makes absolutely no sense but i accidentally uploaded this photo and needed something catchy!

getting gay in st tropez

not really. i was the only. what was not gay?

caves du roy. sorry tomkat, i got vip , beyotches.


cristal, beyotches.

my yacht, fools.

spoon by alain ducasse

far left, thanks.

my duplex with patio at byblos hotel.

this douchebaggy hot brit who really wore that scarf that way.

my beyotches.

and my hos to the left, hos to the right

hot guys in australia and new zealand !

so my one-month jaunt in australia and new zealand with long-time pal, margaret (atlanta, represent!) brought us close to some dynamic cities, great attractions and, of course, those hot aussie bois!


margaret made me fly economy with her (ugh) but to make up for that shitty flight was this dynamic skyline in melbourne.

the street art in melbourne is ubiquitous, and one of the few cities in the world where it's embraced.

my favorite person in melbourne was the door guy, Tim.. what an aussie cutie!!
more street art, this wasn't planned to come after the previous photo but whatevs


i reunited with my parisian friend max, who moved out to australia to learn english. i mean, really? (by the by, he wants to move to new york in october. hook a brutha up with a job, fools!) i have major jetlag (and jetlag hair) in this photo, fashiz

we ended up meeting this Christian Australian. he was all like , I love god i love god, i was like blow me.

and stayed at some cool boutique hotels...

it's true! there is a beach in melbourne (aint as good as sydney but you make the best of what you've got, right?) this lifeguard should just pose all day, considering no one swims in that cold-ass water.

but people do walk around shirtless like hottie one and hottie two.

shopping was a blast cause i kept running into these hot dudes on the sidewalk who clearly busted me... like this hot fool

and this one...


we left melbourne on a good note to cruise new zealand for two weeks... at sea, there were some pretty awesome things like this volcano ejaculation (of lava and steam, yall)

i would have spent most of my time on this here deck....

but we had the beaches in taraganau for that, one of our first stops.

we also ate pretty well in Holland America's fine dining restaurant, where it turns out i was pretty "loud" (i am american after all yall)

margaret said this dude was like 15.. shit. with a body like that ... (our cruise ship in the back!)

h ha hahahahahaha hhhoooooot dude in new zealand.

hot irish guy in wellington (i'm just assuming he's irish... it's the lips)

scotty nylund, anyone?

who goes to australia without feeding kangaroos? this dirty ass kangaroo's mouth felt like a monkey butt fashiz

aww. and if you go to tasmania, you'll get all fuzzy over the endangered tasmanian devils...

nothing was as awesome as the hayman island resort in great barrier reef. somehow we managed to get upgraded to a lagoon suite. sweet!

some of the best scenery in australia really was from a boat.

like "frenchy" , for instance. the hot french dive instructor kid when we went out to the actual reef.

i mean... really? shit...

he was all like "jimmy i love you but you have to stop taking photos of me and just get in bed with me now. " I was like , "i can't do that my future husband because i can't let down my three blog readers."

we did go submarining...


and some glass-bottom-boating..

but the shizzle went off the wizzle palizzle in sydney australia. .

where the hotties just like to walk around shirtless.

well, at bondi beach, of course.

there were blonde hotties that REALLY needed that tan...

buff surfer hotties. .

posing hotties...

gay hotties...

buck-teeth hotties...

daddy hotties...

thug hotties..

skinny hotties...

and speedo hotties...!

none of which stayed at the lovely park hyatt hotel under the harbor bridge, but at least we had a view.. !

of the opera house right across the way!

we did hit mardi gras for a hot sec..

where this dude who wins hot guy olympics australia/new zealand really werked it with the sugar daddies
until next time!!