tahiti three: last days of our acquaintance

Itinerary, schmitinerary... it was alll about the spa at Intercontinental...
where this hot dude could smell the loud, gay american beotches from a mile away
there was nothing like chillin the jacuzzi with prime views of the mountain...
even outside the spa, it was still magic in a box. mike went the serene route...
while i got drunk and gay with the tiki gods..
In the morning, the lagoon made a great backdrop for this TNTM photo shoot...
but this tahitian bitch was crowned tahiti's next top model
mike , obviously, was ecstatic when we moved to a secluded motu (islet) at the bora bora nui, Luxury Collection- Starwood.
and...well, shit... with this sunset, i guess i was too..
this is the tiara (national flower) that you tuck behind your ear. left ear indicates you're taken, while right indicates you're single. . . and obviously i'm totally stoked
but i guess there's that sunset that will be my boyfriend forever.
hot chef benjamin came out to greet us and give me a hand job under the table.
and our super hot french pool butler, joseph, had the best nipples in polynesia. i tried my best to convince him to escort us to our next stop, a private island, but he didn't speak gay english.
speaking of gay, mike gayed it up at our $600 dinner at the St Regis...
but tried to butch it out by kayaking...
hey ... what's that in the water? a dolphin?
at one point, i threw out my neck (whats new) and was bed ridden, jacked up on vicodin, and sad i couldn't snorkel with the fish..
which mike flaunted in my face during my handicap.

eventually, the medication (in high doses) worked and I didn't feel a thing!
at our last days of tahiti, mike tried to hide so we would miss the flight.
but we just tried to leave on a good note, and this view of Tahiti (the island) was pretty commanding.
our new friend, laurent, made sure that we would come to terms with our oh-too-soon departure.

but all good things must come to an end... (or beginning, with the new moon in toll. . or something like that, sorry, i rushed through this one cause of time restraints and very little internet time, but you get the idea: french polynesia was fucking awesome)

tahiti two: mike gets deported

well, not yet, but i'm sure the polynesian police will soon enough consider his addiction to champagne and room service a crime.

because when he has a little too much champagne, he gets a little weird...

but it's nice to know the polynesians accept him for who he is. The dude at the bottom, in case you haven't noticed, just said "hammer time!"

We had a fucking incredibly delish dinner at villa mahana, so good it took my breath away.

but not as much as our HOT corisican waiter on the far right!

and don't worry, we're still spying on hot dudes who don't know we're spying.

Our overwater bungalow at Intercontinental was TRULY the best accommodation we have had yet.

not only because you can see the fish (and me!) swim below through our coffee table..

but there's nothing like rolling out of bed in the morning to go for a quick swim.

it's ok when it gets grey cause it gets a little gay (flag not included)

Our grand bedroom view!

and our HOT french bartender (somehow his hotness didn't translate as well as it should have)

pool with mountain /lagoon view. mike is taking a dump

wish you were here. and happy valentines day! would post more pics but with internet at $100 /day and the fact the computer is becoming more foreign as the days go on, think we'll swim it off!
stay tuned for more!

meet me in tahiti

With the weather becoming a bit too february, and fueled by the series premiere of Lost, I had no choice but to jet out of the country. Tahiti just sounded ideal, and there's nothing cuter than that lil Tahiti passport stamp!

With a 16-hour flight dawning on us, my friend mike and i did what any other gay-ass fucker would do, and you can totally see the vicodin in our eyes. Oh, major shout out to Air Tahiti Nui for those business class seats.

Upon arrival, I drank a beer and got le'id, so i'm a bigger slut than mike.

We checked in at Hotel Bora Bora, an Aman resort that was the first hotel to set up camp in Bora Bora (which means "first born" so it was the first in French Polynesia to erupt some 7 million years ago). I loved how it embraced the old-school Tahitian aesthetics with thatch-roof villas, no tvs, and everyone walking barefoot!


Our private villa had a sundeck with this pool that had an awesome view of the beach...

and this guy...


nuh-uh. don't get too comfortable fatty, it's time to cruise.

cutie french boy benoit served us our $80 lunch (two hamburgers and an evian, NO fucking lie. Oh, i'm sorry. did i not tell you how FUCKING EXPENSIVE IT IS HERE??)

But, whatever.... it's Ta-fucking-hiti.
jet lag ensued, kicked our butts, but we did manage to catch the sublime sunset.

in the morning, there was nothing like starting your day with feeding hungry-ass sting rays!

woah. back the fuck up, bitch...

but seriously, they were like lil' puppy dogs that just wanted affection.

but this shark was all like, "I'm gonna have me some asian food." So i got out.

Good thing I wasn't eaten...i would have never seen this hot native hit some balls...

or see a headless Mike...

but whether we get eaten by sharks or lose our heads, it's good to know that tahitians still have a sense of humor..


stay tuned for part two...